Sunday, October 08, 2006

WARNING: Emotional Girl Ahead

My husband and I are rediculously busy with all the prep work that has come along with going to Scotland. We're raising the funds to live there, which honestly could be a full time job. We're doing some semi-major renovations on our OLD house in Church Hill to ready it for renting while we're gone, which could definitely be a full time job. Oh yeah, and we both work our real full time jobs (the one's we get paid for). Then there's all the stuff that we're involved with socially during the week that we just can't give up because we love our friends so much. And we need them and the stress release that comes from being with them to get through the craziness.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life and all the stuff that comes with it. I know there's a time for everything and this is the time for us to have a million and one projects going on at once because, once we have kids (Oh Lord please don't let it be anytime in the next three years) all that stuff will get pushed to the bottom of the list.

With all the madness, I sometimes forget to take stock of how I'm doing emotionally and mentally. In a way, that can be good. Leaving home, family, and friends for two years is overwhelming to think about and I could probably consume myself with thoughts about the good, bad, and scary things that come along with it. But it's a necessity every once in a while.

So apparently today was one of those days where the neglect of my psychological well-being would catch up with me. It was 11:00 am, I was on my way into the sanctuary at the church I've gone to since 3rd grade (so these people we're leaving are like family). In the span of 4 minutes I had interactions with 6 people. The context of those interactions centered around activities that James and I are a part of. And not just any activities, but things we either lead or are very involved in and devoted to. Activities, but most importantly, people that we will be leaving. By the time I sat down next to James I was holding back sobs. I waited for a song so everyone would be standing as I rushed out to get control of my faucet of a nose and tried to hide my red eyes to keep from answering too many "What's the matter?" questions later on.

Leaving is hard. I think the hardest part is knowing that life will go on without us, and there are so many things we'll miss. The replacements for some of our 'jobs' are already being lined up. People will get married, ladies will have babies, new people will come along and become friends with our friends, I might not get to see the new season of Project Runway...oh the list goes on.

BUT...We're moving to a new place to meet new people and have experiences that we could never have here. Some people can only dream about being able to do what we're doing. It's so very exciting and challenging and awesome and...scary and overwhelming and sad. But how cool to be able to feel all these emotions at once, difficult to manage, but pretty amazing. Makes me feel alive.

Living in Scotland for two years...what an adventure! It's gonna be incredible, as long as I can get there with my sanity still intact.


Valeree Lynn said...

This post made me cry. We are going to miss you guys so much, but we know you will be awesome over there. We're just jealous that we won't get to spend the time with you. WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Jennifer said...

Thanks for crying with me! You have been so supportive in countless ways, I couldn't begin to thank you enough. I'm looking forward to your visit to Dornoch already!

Frank said...

I just found your blog, Jennifer. Love your honesty and internal beauty. Eager to read more. What a neat way to keep folks up on your preparations for Scotland. Frank